i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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