I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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