I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
