Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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