I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
