you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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