It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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