ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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