Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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