like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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