U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
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Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
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All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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