Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
So squirting runs in the family.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
