If that was your dad, he is hot
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
