Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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