Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
