Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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