Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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