I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize