I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize