"it" just moved
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
it was like having sex with a tree stump
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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