I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
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From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
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What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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