I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
