Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
