i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
