I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
