We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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