So drunk, too bad you don't want this
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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