I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
