So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
