We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
