Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
