she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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