i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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