Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
