our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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