On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
