I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
