is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
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He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
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I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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