Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
