Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
