Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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