I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
