I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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