At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
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