I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
