This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
