Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
