DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
