new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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