I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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