just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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