If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
