Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
It was confusing and full of hummus
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
