So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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