I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
