just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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